Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside, in the absence of an empathetic witness.

That's still the confusing question isn't it? Is what you experienced....trauma?

Trauma can form in the presence of life changing events that we experience, witness or hear about such as fatalities, accidents or other catastrophic events but trauma can also form in the presence of events such as Covid, a loss of a job, a breakdown of a relationship, infidelity, being bullied, teased, being abandoned (especially in your time of need), or from having a life changing illness or injury. 

However, trauma is more about the relationship to that experience, how we interpret it and come to live with it. 

We all process experiences in life differently and processing trauma is no different. However, it can be a little confusing and isolating as others don't always understand what we are going through, as each of our experiences and how we process life events is different.

While there is ongoing research on trauma biology, what is currently known is trauma does create biological changes and causes a variety of stress responses. 

As living beings, we have a natural, inate way to cope with stress and life threatening events, or ones that feel like they are life threatening. You've probably seen it talked about on the various social media pages and books you've read...and that is the fight, flight, freeze or fawn reaction. 

While it may have served you well in the moment to allow you to survive, you can sometimes become "stuck" here. This makes it difficult to return to healthier ways of functioning in our daily lives or even in recognizing or knowing how to function in healthier ways, as we have become used to functioning in a certain way. 

When your body and mind interprets certain events as similar to the ones you've experienced before that have caused you harm, you can be triggered over and over, often unaware this is happening. This can lead you to isolating yourself and feeling more alone. 

The effects of trauma are different for everyone, but trauma can present itself in a number of ways, such as: 

• feeling numb to emotions or feeling overwhelmed by them. 
• behaving automatically to certain situations that you or others don't quite understand.
• feeling lost and very alone, feeling that no one understands.
• experiencing strong reactions, such as emotional outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere or are out of proportion to the event.
• having trouble staying asleep, having frequent nightmares or not being able to fall asleep. 
• struggling to be close to anyone and isolating yourself.
• muscle tensions and being easily startled or always feeling "on guard", not feeling safe.
• intrusive, reoccurring thoughts or memories.
• avoiding certain areas that bring up thoughts or negative bodily feelings or memories.
• having feelings of guilt for surviving or not feeling like you did enough in the moment - blaming yourself.